Dealing with students with difficult behaviors and surviving the school year when you have a student who frequently melts down is a challenge. I would not be surprised to learn that this is a frequent cause of teachers leaving the field of education altogether. With the lack of appropriate and timely school supports for these students, it can be a nightmare. Read on for tips to learn what could cause these behaviors, what to do when they happen and how to get help from administration.
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What Causes Meltdowns in Students with Difficult Behaviors? What is Self-Regulation?
Self-regulation. Dysregulation. Emotional Regulation. Deescalate. Students who act out. Zones of Regulation. The Green Zone.
These are all different names for ways people manage their behaviors or identifiers related to a person’s emotional state. People who are successful at emotional regulation are successful at managing their emotions throughout the day.
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Adults, especially, are free to practice emotional regulation by getting a drink of water, getting a coffee, going for a walk, or taking a bubble bath if they need. Essentially it is practicing self-care when we feel the need for it. When adults are not as successful at managing their emotions things can go from bad to hot mess pretty quickly.
Think about the adults that you know that are content, calm and well-regulated (not sure if that is a word but I’m going with it). Think about the things they most likely do (or don’t do) to be those calm, content people. They probably get enough sleep, stay hydrated, eat a well balanced diet, and prioritize taking care of themselves.
Now think of the adults you know that struggle with their emotional regulation. My guess is they may live their lives in a way that makes it hard to imagine them consistently getting enough sleep, hydration, practicing mindfulness, eating healthy food and an overall prioritization of personal health and wellness.
Finally, think about the kids that you teach that struggle with emotional regulation. A few words that I would use to describe some of these students are:
Angry
Crabby
Explosive
Overtired
Moody
Defiant
In my experience working with students who struggle with emotional regulation can be so frustrating because they can swing from being what appears to be happy, engaging students to a completely different person. As a teacher it’s concerning to see a student change this way, but it is also exhausting and frustrating to deal with as the teacher.
What should you do if students with difficult behaviors become dysregulated (has a melt down)?
I started out as a special education resource teacher. I supported students who needed extra special education support, but stayed in the general education classroom throughout the day.
I did this before the advent of Response to Intervention (RtI), so much of my caseload was a variety of students with OHI (Other Health Impairments, usually ADHD), students with learning disabilities (who would now be picked up most likely through RtI) and occasionally students who struggled to learn due to their behaviors.
I did all of these things and took all of these classes as a college student before Executive Functioning and Zones of Regulation was widely known. I don’t share this to brag, but I want to share how long dealing with behaviors and attending training/conferences for emotional regulation have been on my radar. . . many, many years.
Over the years I have found there are some things that I can do to deescalate the dysregulation that tend to work pretty consistently and many things that actually make the situation worse.
- Stop Speaking– When a student is in the middle of a melt down, they most likely have a low threshold for sensory input. This includes auditory input a.k.a speaking. The moment a kid starts to act up, if you are able, stop speaking or speak as few words to them as possible.
There is a more technical description for this, ask a well informed psychologist or occupational therapist, but basically the student’s brain, for whatever reason is in a heightened state. Additional, unnecessary sensory input (speaking words) will just serve to aggravate.
When a student is making a clapping sound in the classroom (or any other undesired behavior), a teacher might say something like- “Who is clapping? I like a quiet classroom. I need a quiet classroom. Everyone should be silent.” It could continue to escalate into, “Why do you always clap? I am going to call home if you don’t stop clapping.”
Instead try this- “Stop clapping.”
Or- “No Clapping”
How about- “Silence Please”
Or- “Quiet Hands”
Provide Lots of Processing Time for Students with Difficult Behaviors
In the first scenario 23 words might have been spoken to the student, whereas two words could have been more effective.
Trust me, I have had students where I have said more than 23 words, most likely many more. Not saying something can be a challenge. Especially when you, as the teacher, are understandably frustrated by the student’s melt down.
It is frustrating when a student is having a melt down and I just wanted to make it clear to them that I wanted them to stop. I expected them to stop. I needed them to stop.
I have learned that what helps them stop, most effectively, is being silent if nothing needs to be said, saying something in as few words as possible or communicating through writing the information down instead.
- Use written words when you need to communicate– What’s the difference between speaking or writing a message? The student in the middle of a melt down will process the written message in a less severe tone and it gives a greater chance of your messages actually being received by the student. It also removes you from any power struggles. The student now has the option of getting into a power struggle with a piece of paper instead.
Every word spoken out of your mouth will most likely make them angry, even if you say something in a toneless voice like, “Would you like cheese pizza for lunch?” The student could use it as fuel for their fire of anger. They might think, ‘Why is this teacher always talking to me about pizza? It just makes me sooo mad!’
The spoken question of pizza then becomes another thing to bicker and get upset about.
What is a teacher to do in this situation? Write the question down and leave it for the student to decide if they want to read it or not. If they do read it and decide they don’t want pizza they will either tell you, “No, I don’t want your damn pizza!” or they will crumple the paper, rip the paper, shove the paper or some other ‘no’ type behavior toward the paper.
If the student does want pizza (or whatever else you have asked them in this hypothetical scenario) they will tell you, maybe right away or maybe later when they have calmed down.
The nice thing about communicating by writing a message is that it allows you and the student time to process and focus on the information being shared and it removes you from engaging in spoken power struggles.
- Do not demand eye contact- Don’t make a student look you in the eye. Don’t even force them to look at you.
Busy yourself with something- maybe focus on folding a post it note, tie your shoe or some other physical thing to focus on so the student doesn’t feel like you are going to look at them. You will get much further in a conversation where you look elsewhere.
I recently read a parental psychology book and it discussed this very thing with parenting teens. It talked about how much further a conversation could go with teens when a parent was driving because the parent was focused on the primary task of driving the car and the teen was left to look toward the front of the windshield. No eye contact necessary.
- Remove the audience- this is easier said than done, but if a student starts to melt down with the rest of the class and the student won’t remove themselves, remove the rest of the class. Call or text the office for help- whichever one gets you a response faster. If there is no one who can stay with the student melting down, send the class somewhere where you know a certified teacher is stationed- the library, the gym etc. and stay with the student who is melting down until help has arrived.
This is a frustrating situation and certainly not ideal, but when you are dealing with a student who could possibly become a safety concern to the rest of the class, you might need to make some hard decisions.
- Know yourself- Know what triggers you and gets you worked up. What is something a student has done or could do that would get you to really react to them? Think about what time of day makes you grumpy, or when a headache typically kicks in.
Knowing this ahead of time can help to deescalate the situation. I always struggled with the last hour of school, about 2:30 PM. This time is the worst, it is usually the time I am at my lowest energy and in most need of a nap. It always seems like if anything goes wrong with my students, who I have all day long, it is going to pop up at this time.
I know that 2:30 is the time I struggle because I am tired and more likely to react negatively to something that doesn’t really need a negative reaction.
Since 2:30 is my personal time of challenge, I plan things that make getting through that time easier. It is my recess time. It is my video time. It is my fun worksheet/activity time. Knowing this about myself has helped with student behaviors in general.
It has also helped when a student has a melt down around 2:30, I know that I won’t be able to not speak or write messages or not demand eye contact or remove the audience. I know that the best I will most likely do is not engage with the student and call for help. And that is okay because I know myself and I know that calling for help is the best I can do at 2:30.
What should you do if the behaviors don’t get better?
This is the frustration. To me, this is the cause of so many teachers fleeing the field of teaching.
Everyone has a tough day. Everyone can deal with a kid who has a melt down- once or twice. . . in a year. But when those things become constant routines and your teaching takes a back seat to dealing with melt down behaviors on a weekly or daily basis, it becomes a different situation entirely.
Here are a few things to think about and try if you are in the unfortunate situation of dealing with meltdowns on a regular basis. You know your situation best, so do what you feel works for you.
- Reach out to the parents or guardians. Try to connect with them to gain any additional insight into their child. Don’t call them to complain about their little behavior problem. Instead reach out to them with concerns, try to come from a place of understanding. Doing this will hopefully help in two ways.
First it will show that you are trying to help their kid and (hopefully) give you parental support. Life as a teacher is much easier when you have the support of a student’s parents on your side. They are more likely to support you and be understanding if they feel like you like their kid.
Second, they might actually have helpful information to share with you. That student who constantly farts in your class after lunch, who knew they were lactose intolerant and were actually drinking milk at lunch to fart loud farts? #teacherproblems
- Get all specialists into your room for student observations. Have the social worker and psychologist each do a time on task observation. Invite the special education teacher in to observe and give helpful feedback. Have the Occupational Therapist lookout for any sensory seeking behaviors.
This can possibly give you some helpful information on how to support the student. It also shows you being proactive. You know the staff at your school and in your district best. If any of these people are not great, don’t do it. However, I have found these specialists have an extensive specialty in a different area and can most likely have something new to share that could help.
This also helps push any problem solving meetings about this student onto a faster track. Your first meeting would have most likely been to discuss this student, now everyone who would be at the meeting knows this student.
- Be a respectful, strategic pain in the butt. If you need additional supports that you feel your district is not providing- ask for them. You need to ask the right people though.
Talk to your principal about the problems your student is struggling with. Let them know all of the things you are doing to help the student. See if they have any ideas. Maybe the principal knows that there is a substitute who has extra time a few days a week to work with the student one on one. Including the principal is a foundational thing that can help lay the groundwork for having a bigger impact.
If you want an aide hired for your student, most likely the answer will be no as there are significant spending and paperwork requirements to get these things done. But, the person to ask is probably not your principal. They have a budget assigned to them that doesn’t really change from year to year.
The people who can make things happen for you are the people at the upper levels of administration. The superintendent or the director of special education are the people I would start to reach out to in my district in order to have conversations on student needs and supports.
Everyone’s school district may operate differently, so go to the people who have a larger budget than your principal. Most likely you will want to start with whoever your principal’s supervisor is. Again when approaching these administrators be thoughtful of the words and tone you use in describing how things are handled at your school. You don’t want to inadvertently criticize your principal.
Don’t be disrespectful when speaking to them, but invite them into your classroom for a discussion. Ask them to meet with you at lunch. Let them know, respectfully, about your challenges and ask for resources. “I am struggling with ________ situation. How can I get more support in here in order to teach the rest of my class?”
Administrators seem to respond best to data. Sharing the amount of lost instructional time due to behaviors or poor test scores for the rest of the class can help bring about awareness.
You know your administrators best, so if you feel a conversation would have an adverse effect for you, reach out to other trusted senior teachers who you feel handle challenging situations well for advice.
While this, unfortunately, will probably not make an immediate difference, it can help bring about awareness of student needs. Plus it will hopefully help you feel like you are doing something constructive with such a frustrating problem.
Strategies and Supports for Teaching Self-Regulation to Students with Difficult Behaviors
Students who seem to blow up or have meltdowns consistently seem to struggle with self-regulation. Giving these students a few strategies will hopefully help make a difference in the frequency and duration of these challenging times.
Teach them the zones of regulation. On one of the first days of school, I like to talk to students about the blue, green, yellow and red zones. We talk about what they look like and discuss how the yellow zone is the trickiest zone to identify when we are feeling in the yellow zone. Throughout the year I talk about times when we might find ourselves in the yellow zone- unexpected fire drills, indoor recess, times when we are fighting off sickness.
I spend a lot of time talking about the yellow zone in the hopes that students become more aware of when they need a break or use other regulation strategies while in the yellow zone. If they can identify the yellow zone and put strategies in place, hopefully that will keep them out of the red zone and melt down territory.
Create a plan to calm down. Privately speak with the student, during a time when they appear calm and well regulated, and ask them what they think would help when they are in the yellow zone or are feeling like they are getting frustrated? Some students feel better chewing gum, some students might need to walk to the drinking fountain, others might feel better coloring in a notebook.
Create some type of plan with them that helps them independently put supports in place to calm down. The social worker, OT and special education teacher probably have lots of easy to implement ideas for you if you need any help.
Virtual Calming Room– This is your one stop shop for calming activities. Live animal cams, distracting games, bubbles- you name it. Have your student check out the website to see what they might want to use to calm down when they are feeling worked up. Then only let them use this calming room sparingly.
Ask for triggers. Try to find out what gets them frustrated. Some students might not know while others might be able to articulate quite a bit. Who knew that this student’s seat mate usage of scented lotions gave them headaches?
Help out Hangry Students. Is the student hangry? Ask about their diet. Do they eat breakfast? Lunch? The student could be hungry. If so, talk with your principal about stocking some snacks for the student. If they don’t have a dairy allergy, cheese sticks or some other healthy snack would be great.
Mindfulness– Teach it. The people who are the most opposed to meditation seem to be the ones who need it the most. I personally think it is because they have the hardest time quieting their minds. I really wish there was a bite sized mindfulness program for people getting started.
Something that is only 1-2 minutes, but there are like thirty of them so that practicing meditation/mindfulness can be built up. The only short meditations that I have found have a very preschool vibe to it, which isn’t great either.
Inner Explorer has a pretty good set up, but you have to pay for a subscription and they are slightly long (10 minutes or so). This would be a great program after doing thirty days of shorter mindfulness/meditations. They are the most appropriate to the 5th grade student population I work with.
Brain Pop has some nice SEL videos, but none of them are actual meditations. They do talk about healthy habits and emotions. This is something you could fit into your morning meeting.
Smiling Mind is a good option for mindfulness. My students like the narrator’s Australian accent. I really like that there were breakdowns in youth age groups. I believe they are free.
While most students moan and groan about the idea of doing a guided meditation at first, I give the same speech every day the first few weeks of doing it. I talk about how mindfulness is a great way to exercise your brain and research shows this is a really good practice for people who struggle with anxiety or have a hard time focusing. I tell them that sometimes my brain gets distracted and it’s kind of boring and my mind might wander and that’s okay. It happens to everyone.
After the meditation, we do a debrief and reflect on how we felt. I first ask who didn’t like the mindfulness training. Then we talk about why some of us didn’t like it. Then I ask who did like it. There are usually a few who say they liked the quiet, they like putting their head down. This is a nice conversation to have because it values everyone’s feelings no matter how they feel.
Interested in reading more about working with students with difficult behaviors?
Check out these posts-
Supporting Families to Diagnose and Treat Students with ADHD in the Classroom
Dealing With Difficult Student Behaviors During Morning Meetings
Recess is an Amazing Investment in Your Limited Teaching Time
Teacher Tips for Successful Parent Teacher Conferences
Teaching Students with OCD in the Classroom
Report Card Comments for Struggling Students
How do you deal with students with difficult behaviors?
How do you deal with these challenging situations? Do you know of anyone who has left teaching due to student behaviors?
